One Big Galactic Gamble

Sometimes it doesn't necessarily happen with flashing lights and arrows, but it still happens and I still notice. Other times there is no questioning it no matter how I turn it or what sort of positive spin I put on it.  I've watched, observed, and taken notes.  My conclusion is very clear:  There are spans of time (ranging from the insignificant hour to a grueling month) where the universe is undoubtedly—and unabashedly—out to get me.  

How do I know you say?  Just observe and you will see it's out to get you too.  Remember that time all you wanted to do was take a nap because you had a headache but for some reason everyone you have ever known needed you in that one hour of the entire day when every analgesic you can find in the local pharmacy suddenly became ineffective at getting rid of simple yet pounding headache that you've had all day?

That, my friends, is how you know the universe is out to get you.  It lines everything up just to inconvenience you for however long it has arbitrarily decided.  Personally, I like to picture a giant arm made of a cosmic dust and gas forming and rolling an equally large and gaseous pair of dice; whatever number comes up is plugged into a formula scientists have yet to understand and BOOM the universe now knows how long it's going to annoy you.  

Now, don't confuse the universe's strange fetish of toying with us for just really bad things happening at really inconvenient times.  Those are some other force at work, but the universe probably has its dice-rolling nebulous hand in it and most definitely gets a kick out of the discord, however it still isn't the instigator.

Let's break it down with more examples to help you out.

Road construction when you have to pee: Hateful universe

Your favorite pet having a terrible illness: Other forces

Realizing the sunblock you put on was tanning oil: Hateful universe

The resulting hospitalization for your burns: Other forces

The entirety of that song Ironic by Alanis Morissette: Hateful universe

Those little green peas they put in everything: Other forces (of which I've determined was probably an act of Satan, but we'll go there later).

Any questions?