Universe M.D....of DOOM!

So why am I awake at 2 am on a grad school night (which btw is totally different from a normal school night) when I have to wake up in less than 5 hours to make an excruciatingly boring 45 minute drive to sit through 6 hours of classes? 

Because I fully believe I'm having a heart attack.

Why do I believe this?

Web MD.

Yes, Web MD is another one of those agents that I've talked about.  The hateful universe created it in order to make those of us with high anxiety even more anxious about unnecessary ailments. And when those of us start to panic and look at Web MD, all rational thought goes out the window.  Let me break it down for you in this little chart.

Ailment	Logical Explanation	Mother says	Web MD says
Throat hurts	Allergies	Take Benadryl	You have AIDS
Chest Pain	Trapped gas	Go fart, chew Maalox	Heart attack call 911
Fever	It’s winter	Take Advil	Death Flu
Upset Stomach	Nervousness	Pepto	Ebola

Who do we believe here? Logic? No.  Our mother who birthed us, raised and continues to feed us at the ripe age of 24 because student loans keep us from effectively launching into normal, functional adult lives? No.  Web MD? YES!

Because if it's on the internet, it's true!

Oh and for the record, all of those symptoms are signs of some form of cancer.  Which I will fully convince myself I have by the end of the week if this keeps up.

I'm going to go finish having my ravioli induced heart attack now.

Universe: 6.  Me: 1