So, either 1) My mother was right and it was just gas trapped in my rib/chest area. Which, after using the Googles, I did find that trapped gas can indeed feel like a heart attack.
Or 2) I was having a mild heart attack and the Bayer I took because I was in pain did the job and saved my life while also making me much more comfortable.
Given scenario 2, I think I fail at that whole knowing what to do in emergencies and my family fails at ensuring my safety.
Anyways, not dead.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Universe M.D....of DOOM!
So why am I awake at 2 am on a grad school night (which btw is totally different from a normal school night) when I have to wake up in less than 5 hours to make an excruciatingly boring 45 minute drive to sit through 6 hours of classes?
Because I fully believe I'm having a heart attack.
Why do I believe this?
Web MD.
Yes, Web MD is another one of those agents that I've talked about. The hateful universe created it in order to make those of us with high anxiety even more anxious about unnecessary ailments. And when those of us start to panic and look at Web MD, all rational thought goes out the window. Let me break it down for you in this little chart.
Who do we believe here? Logic? No. Our mother who birthed us, raised and continues to feed us at the ripe age of 24 because student loans keep us from effectively launching into normal, functional adult lives? No. Web MD? YES!
Because if it's on the internet, it's true!
Oh and for the record, all of those symptoms are signs of some form of cancer. Which I will fully convince myself I have by the end of the week if this keeps up.
I'm going to go finish having my ravioli induced heart attack now.
Universe: 6. Me: 1
Because I fully believe I'm having a heart attack.
Why do I believe this?
Web MD.
Yes, Web MD is another one of those agents that I've talked about. The hateful universe created it in order to make those of us with high anxiety even more anxious about unnecessary ailments. And when those of us start to panic and look at Web MD, all rational thought goes out the window. Let me break it down for you in this little chart.
Ailment | Logical Explanation | Mother says | Web MD says |
Throat hurts | Allergies | Take Benadryl | You have AIDS |
Chest Pain | Trapped gas | Go fart, chew Maalox | Heart attack call 911 |
Fever | It’s winter | Take Advil | Death Flu |
Upset Stomach | Nervousness | Pepto | Ebola |
Who do we believe here? Logic? No. Our mother who birthed us, raised and continues to feed us at the ripe age of 24 because student loans keep us from effectively launching into normal, functional adult lives? No. Web MD? YES!
Because if it's on the internet, it's true!
Oh and for the record, all of those symptoms are signs of some form of cancer. Which I will fully convince myself I have by the end of the week if this keeps up.
I'm going to go finish having my ravioli induced heart attack now.
Universe: 6. Me: 1
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)